Big News! Except Not Really!

Hello gentle reader(s). For no reason whatsoever, I've decided to use Typepad. So new and pretty! And new! And pretty! Although I've imported all of the posts and comments into the new blog, I won't be deleting this blog because... of its historical importance? Yes, that's it.

So, yeah... Make sure to update your links!

Working on the blog again so expect some wonkiness.

ETA: All done.

Oh look who's not a fat heifer and got to skydive on Saturday while the cool guy had his car washed.

Meme 90

From Sue:

1. Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
2. Climbed a mountain
3. Held a tarantula
4. Taken a morning shower with your man
5. Been in love
6. Broken someone’s heart
7. Had your heart broken
8. Done a striptease
9. Bungee jumped
10. Watched a lightning storm at sea
11. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise (not on purpose)
12. Seen the Northern Lights
13. Gone to a huge sports game
14. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
15. Slept under the stars
16. Changed a baby’s diaper
17. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (Doing this Friday, so I'm counting it.)
18. Watched a meteor shower
19. Gotten drunk on champagne
20. Given money to charity
21. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
22. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
23. Had a food fight
24. Bet on a winning horse
25. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
26. Had a snowball fight
27. Photocopied your butt or any other intimate body part
28. Held a lamb
29. Gone skinny dipping
30. Taken an ice cold shower
31. Seen a total eclipse
32. Ridden a roller coaster
33. Hit a home run
34. Been arrested
35. Visited all 50 states
36. Taken care of someone who was drunk
37. Stolen a street/highway sign (aided and abetted)
38. Backpacked in Europe
39. Taken a road-trip
40. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving (I dare someone to say something, I will cut you!)
42. Milked a cow
43. Alphabetized your records
44. Sung karaoke
45. Lounged around in bed all day
46. Gone scuba diving
47. Danced in the rain
48. Gone to a drive-in theater
49. Started a business
50. Gotten married
51. Been in a movie
52. Crashed a party
53. Gotten divorced
54. Had sex in an unusual place
55. Made cookies from scratch
56. Gotten a tattoo
57. Been on television
58. Had sex in a public place
59. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
60. Recorded music
61. Had too much to drink at a party
62. Bought a house
63. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off (never again)
64. Been on a cruise ship
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Bounced a check
67. Called or written your Congress person
68. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
69. Sang loudly by yourself in the car
70. Wrote articles for a large publication
71. Piloted an airplane
72. Helped an animal give birth
73. Been fired or laid off from a job (and then rehired)
74. Won money on a T.V. game show
75. Broken a bone
76. Ridden a motorcycle
77. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
78. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
79. Ridden a horse
80. Had major surgery
81. Had sex on a moving train
82. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
83. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
84. Visited all 7 continents
85. Eaten sushi
86. Had your picture in the newspaper
87. Parasailed
88. Changed your name
89. Dyed your hair
90. Been a DJ

I've done 35 in all.

McCaingels

<a href="http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/mccaingels_101/" target="_blank">McCaingels, Episode 1</a>

McCaingels, Episode 1

Um, What?

The unnamed executive, a 22-year-old from St Petersburg, had been hoping to become only the third woman in Russia's history to bring a successful sexual harassment action against a male employer...

The judge said he threw out the case not through lack of evidence but because the employer had acted gallantly rather than criminally.

"If we had no sexual harassment we would have no children," the judge ruled.

Alrighty then.

From The Telegraph.

"Skydiving"

All of last week, I checked the weather report full of trepidation. From Monday to Thursday, the weathermen predicted a balmy summer day on Saturday with, at most, scattered clouds. On Thursday, without rhyme or reason, the forecast was changed to scattered thunderstorms. I was upset. Quite upset, actually. I had been looking forward to going skydiving on Saturday for a several weeks. My coworker, C, had to cancel her jump the previous weekend because of the weather. I hoped against hope that the weather would suddenly change and banish gratuitous claps of thunder and that the only thing we would have to worry about would be taming C's hair as the warm summer breeze tossed it to and fro.

Miraculously, my wish was granted. C and I could not have asked for a more perfect day for skydiving. There were a few clouds in the sky, but they were harbingers of calm, not rain. They gently dotted the sky projecting cooling shadows as they wafted toward the horizon.

Notice the big smile on my face.

So it was with great anticipation and joy that C and I headed for south Jersey in my car. We did get stuck in traffic on the Turnpike as the two southbound highways merged, which caused us to arrive 30 minutes late, but this wasn't really an issue. Upon arrival, we were sent to talk to Paula. Paula was much too busy complaining about her speeding ticket to notice us. To be fair, it did seem like the cop screwed her over. She claims the cop followed her for a while on a road with a 40mph speed limit, and then pulled her over as she turned onto a road with a 25mph speed limit. She slowed down to make the turn, but was still doing ~30-35mph when she first turned onto the slower road.

When she finally noticed us, Paula gave us a booklet of waivers to sign. The booklet, and the accompanying film, warned us of the potential horrible, painful, and/or life-threatening dangers that could befall us at any moment. I must have signed my name and initials at least twenty times. After the film came the most important moment of the day: the payment.

C decided to get her jump videotaped and photographed. This added over $100 to the cost of the jump, but there seemed to be little point of jumping out of an airplane 14,000 feet in the air if there was no proof of the jump. C paid for her jump and I started to tell the cashier what extra serices I wanted, but she interrupted me and said I would have to be weighed.

This was not unexpected. When I called to make a reservation the week before, I was told there was a 250 lb. weight limit, but exception were sometimes made. I knew I weighed ~260 so I asked the guy I spoke to exactly when exceptions were granted. He refused to answer and said that an "in person inspection" was required. This "inspection" sounded a little suspect, but, not knowing anything about skydiving, I went along with it.

So, as I said, I wasn't entirely surprised when the cashier asked me to weigh myself. I took everything out of my pockets and, after some initial fumbling with the scale, she finally got it to work. I stepped on the scale and was immediately notified I could not jump because I weighed 265 lbs. That, apparently, was the extent of the inspection.

I was not pleased.

Have I mentioned the 2.5 hour drive? Because I feel I should mention that.

Noticeably upset, I walked away from the cashier. I was ready to get the hell out of there, but C had already paid to jump and she naturally wanted to see this through. I did my best to pretend that it didn't matter, which is to say not very well, but mostly I simply sulked in silence. At one point, I entertained the notion of going to see a movie while C waited. C nixed that idea because she didn't think the wait would be that long. (She was wrong because the cashier was the Queen of Lies!) In hindsight, even suggesting that was rather rude of me, but I was pissed, y'all.

After 1.5 hours of waiting, my stomach started to grumble so I decided to find something to eat in the surrounding town. C, although hungry, didn't' want to eat anything lest the food try to escape during her freefall. I ended up eating some Chinese food and when I came back, C was still waiting. Another 1.5 hours later with no end in sight, I decided to buy a present for H who was having a birthday pool party later that night.

Luckily, there was a Best Buy ~20 minutes away, so hopped on over there to pic up a gift certificate. On the way back, I decided to get my car washed BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK ELSE WAS THERE TO DO? Look at the beautiful scenery?

Wow! Look at all that... stuff!

When I got back to the airstrip, C was skyward bound, thankfully.

Random skydivers enjoying their skydiving
as I steadfastly remained attached the ground.

C seemed disappointed by her jump, though I suspect she this was all a ploy to assuage my feelings. Unlike the bitter queen that I am, C is a lovely person.

C after her silly jump which I didn't want to do
anyway because skydiving is stupid THE END.

We couldn't leave immediately because C had to wait for the videographer to give her the video and pics of her jump. This was supposed to take 30 minutes. An hour and half later, the guy finally reappeared, apologizing half-heartedly, with the disc in hand. In all, it took 6 hours (10 including driving time) to get through that debacle.

After dropping C off, I went home and took a nap. The pool party for H started at 9 and, even though it was already 8:30, I knew I wouldn't last the night until unless I got some sleep. When my alarm roused me, I quickly turned it off and fell right back asleep. By some miracle, I woke up around 10:30 and got dressed. I put on a pair of jeans over my skimpy bathing suit and headed out.

Me and the birthday boy.

The party was lots of fun. FYI, heated pool + alcohol = good times. I hear there are several pics of me in my bathing suit. I have to find and destroy them. Or put them on BMB. Whatever.

Took this pic of the moon on the way to work this morning. My phone's crappy camera made the surroundings a good deal gloomier than they actually were, but it works, I think.

I'm kind of upset because I'm supposed to go skydiving tomorrow but look likes it's going to rain in the morning. I've been looking for to this all week so I hope I can still jump. Maybe I'll try to reschedule for Sunday.

We're Not So Different After All

Oh, BBC readers, I thought you were better than this.

Weekend Wrapup

So, this past weekend, I gave my mother her birthday present (one that actually fits), dropped of my Tumi backpack to be fixed, worked until 10PM, picked up Kent from Liberty State Park, then Sunday went for coffee with him, then hung out with Milton, John, and Ian for the rest of the day. THE END.

I'm not feeling particularly talkative this week, so I'm not sure how much posting there will be.